Love or infatuation, what is their difference? 5 main differences.

Love or infatuation, what is their difference? Have you thought about how you are feeling right now? This is very good, in this case, the article will be a guide and assistant for you so that you can understand your feelings and emotions.

I want to say right away that I am not relying on popular literature, which is all stuffed with popular myths about love, I will talk about what is actually happening in the minds and heads of people.

So, let's go...

Love... What does this word mean to you? What nonsense, you say, everyone knows perfectly well what love is.

This:

• Romance;
• Passion;
• It’s impossible to be apart, you always want to be together;
• Longing for the second half;
• Declarations of love;
• Present;
• Attention;
• Tenderness and care;

Etc etc...

But now think for a moment... everything that I have listed is love, which makes you dizzy, deprives you of your mind, gives you a sea of ​​emotions and impressions, and paints the world a different color.

We are talking about falling in love, or in other words about the hormonal storm that occurs during falling in love.

In simple words, hormones turn off the brain, and the person is in a sweet dope, from which he emerges after a while with a feeling of loss and longing for bygone sensations.

Two completely different people meet, fall in love and decide to be together forever, through thick and thin. As I wrote above, falling in love puts on rose-colored glasses, or in other words, perception filters that distort a person’s character traits beyond recognition.

The first difference between falling in love and love is suddenness, unexpectedness.

Unexpected love will come when you least expect it, remember this song? Only, there’s a problem... love is a pattern that occurs during or after falling in love. Love is the next step in a relationship.

But falling in love arises spontaneously, unexpectedly - one look, a touch, a word and an electric discharge passes between you... You feel that you really, really like this person.

At the same time, you can say exactly why you love him! Eyes, voice, figure, hair, character, etc. Why appearance? It’s simple, falling in love concentrates on external manifestations, because if the person was unfamiliar to you, then you know nothing about him, about his character, habits, views, values, etc.

Yes, at this time everything is fine, young people, I literally can’t get enough of each other, they practically merge together, and from this merging, they are very comfortable. For example, one starts a phrase, the other finishes, they call each other at the same time, they write SMS at the same time.

There is a feeling that you feel a friend from a distance and this is one of the proofs of true love.

It is important to understand one thing, falling in love is a state that arises on its own, spontaneously; falling in love will not work on purpose, no matter how hard a person tries, and creating a hormonal explosion on purpose, on purpose, will not work.

Love is built more on recognizing your partner, on the fact that you accept a person as he is in life, along with his habits and outlook on life.

The one who loves will say: “I love you because you simply exist.”

What is the difference between love and infatuation

Many experts believe that a loving person differs from a lover in the ability to wish his beloved happiness and be happy for him, even if they are not together, and the chosen one found this happiness with someone else. As a result, it turns out that love cannot be unhappy, even when the relationship does not work out for some reason. At the same time, a person in love will be simply furious if the object of his adoration does not reciprocate his feelings and refuses to give him the emotions that he is waiting for. True love is different in that this feeling allows a man and a woman, hand in hand, to overcome any obstacles that stand in their way. But fighting against circumstances is one thing, and fighting against oneself is quite another. Often a person inspires himself to have certain feelings, for example, so as not to feel lonely. Do you really love your partner, or is this some kind of illusion - a difficult question that only you can answer by analyzing your feelings.

At the same time, it is important not to confuse such a bright feeling as love with fleeting infatuation, and even more so with painful dependence. If falling in love begins brightly, but quickly fades away, this, of course, leads to disappointment. But if the initial sympathy develops into an unpleasant feeling of connectedness that does not allow you to live a full life without your partner, then you need to sound the alarm. At this moment, it is vital to realize the negative essence of the existing relationship and begin to fight it.

Otherwise, the romantic story may become tragic for one of the partners. In psychiatry, there are many cases where painful relationships led to deep depression and various mental disorders. Staying in this state for a long time can lead to the worst consequences, including suicide attempts. To avoid this, you should contact a specialist as soon as you notice symptoms of negative attachment in yourself or your loved one. And in order to identify them, it is necessary to look at what is happening as objectively as possible in any situation.

Here are three key signs that differentiate falling in love from true love:

• Both feelings are associated with a whole spectrum of emotions in relation to the object of admiration, including passion, tenderness, sympathy, admiration and many others. But we can say that in the case of love, all these emotions are much deeper and more meaningful, while falling in love is spontaneous and unstable. It can change its intensity quite quickly and turn into other feelings, including both love and hatred. True love is stable; in any circumstances, this feeling does not leave a person and does not turn back into ordinary sympathy.
• The difference between love and falling in love becomes obvious when the lovers are far from each other. In the first case, feelings will not change, and the person will remain faithful to his chosen one. In the second case, emotions can quickly fade away as soon as the beloved is no longer nearby.
• Another point that helps to distinguish true feelings from fleeting ones is sacrifice. The willingness to give something to another person for free, to provide him with something to the detriment of oneself, is considered a sign of love. A person in love is focused on his pleasure, and the need to infringe on his own interests is more likely to push him away.

Often, girls expect some extravagant actions from the men they start relationships with. It is believed that if a boyfriend does not do anything out of the ordinary, this is a sign of a lack of strong feelings. In fact, there is no such direct connection between love and extraordinary behavior.

How a loving man behaves is described in detail here:

Understanding how deep a man's feelings are for his partner is not that difficult. Fleeting sympathy focuses, first of all, on the external advantages of a girl: a slender figure, beautiful eyes, etc. Love is different in that a man sees his beloved not only as a sexual object, but also as a person, a person with his own advantages and disadvantages. If he really loves, he will be interested in his partner’s opinion on important issues, will try to share her interests, and spend time with her doing common things. At the same time, the problems of his beloved will be more important to him than his own problems, he will try in every possible way to make her life easier and protect her from negative emotions.

In a relationship based on love, a man is always generous and selfless. He is ready to give everything he has for the sake of the happiness of his beloved. At the same time, sympathy, when it arises in a man’s heart and forms the basis of a relationship, does not imply selfless giving. Naturally, when he can help his partner, he will do it, but only if the help does not require any extra costs, and if he is sure that he will receive an appropriate reward. A loving person in this situation is distinguished by the fact that he is always ready to help his chosen one and even endure hardships for the sake of her well-being, without thinking about how she can compensate him for the time and effort spent.

No flaws, perfect in everything.

When falling in love, a person experiences a lot of positive emotions when communicating with a loved one. Pleasure hormones literally fill the entire body and turn off critical thinking. The chosen one has no flaws, everything is perfect, specially created for you! Why is that?

The purpose of nature is reproduction. And falling in love is an excellent tool for procreation. Just remember how many marriages were concluded because of being pregnant?

At the same time, filters of ideality arise not only among young people and girls, this happens at all ages, regardless of life experience.

But love, on the contrary, is well aware of the shortcomings of a loved one, at the same time, it fully accepts them and does not justify them.

Fictional world and reality

Falling in love, likes to dream, plan, while omitting or not noticing possible difficulties and difficulties that may arise. In dreams, everything is easy and simple, the main thing is that we are together! We will overcome all difficulties, because we love each other!

The catch is that there is no objectivity, no criticality, no knowledge of the real capabilities and skills of a loved one.

All attention is focused on external manifestations: calls, communication, SMS, frequency of writing messages, what he said, where he went, thought about me, etc.

After all, there are no joint affairs in which one can better learn the personal qualities of a person. For example, a person is irresponsible, does not keep his word, is lazy, etc.

When you fall in love, you will not be able to notice all this, because attention is not directed in this direction. And if you got married and started living together, then almost immediately you begin to notice irresponsibility in all your actions - I forgot, there was no time, it doesn’t matter if you were reluctant, etc.

Falling in love is shattered in the real world when two lovers find themselves together and realize that much was invented and far-fetched.

How does love behave?

The fact of the matter is that you can love a person for his actions, for his attitude - for the fact that he always remembers about you and cares. In a word, when love comes to you, you discover a person and fall in love with him again and again...

It is real for you, you see it in action, here and now!

How long does falling in love last and when does love begin?

We have already figured out that love and infatuation are different feelings, but now let’s talk in more detail about the time frame of these feelings.

There are quite a lot of opinions regarding how long love lasts. Some experts claim that this feeling can be observed from one week to three years, while others tend to argue that love “lives” up to 12-17 months. Who to believe is up to you, besides, all this is very individual and depends on many factors:

• From the sincerity of feelings. If your partner’s feelings are real, and yours, by the way, too, then falling in love will last much longer than when one or both of them started the relationship “out of interest.”
• Future plans. When both partners are committed to a serious relationship, the result will be appropriate. In the case where at least one of the partners does not need a serious long-term relationship, even great sympathy will not help.
• Effort of partners. When both partners try to bring romance into the relationship, try to surprise and delight each other, then the feeling of falling in love may not go away even when love has already appeared.
• Love definitely has no expiration date. If the feelings are real, then they will never go away. Again, there are exceptions to everything, but the exceptions in this case are very sad, so it’s definitely not worth discussing this.

• The question of when love begins is rhetorical. For every person, for every couple, love is “born” when the time comes. Someone may experience this feeling a month after the start of a relationship, while others may wait years for this magic. It all depends on what kind of relationship the couple has, what priorities they have and plans for their future together.
• A lot depends on the decisions of the couple; love often begins when the lovers themselves want it. For example, a couple really has strong feelings and wants to start a family, but something prevents them from doing so. This may be a fear of responsibility, a fear of one of the partners to start a life together.
• In this case, the relationship is in a “suspended” state. But when the couple finally makes a decision, takes this difficult, responsible step, then this feeling of love, not infatuation, may appear.

Complete fusion with your loved one

When you fall in love, people seem to merge and become one. There is an opinion that this is love, we have become one. But the question just arises: “Who were you before this meeting?”

Your own personality, your own individuality fades into the background.

After some time, their interests return, their habits in everyday life also return, some expectations from marriage emerge, and in the end, subconscious programs regarding family life laid down in the parental family begin to be realized.

Some couples do not live together before marriage, they just meet, communicate, and at the same time do not know the habits of their loved one at all.

How much discord such discoveries bring when your other half does not close the tube of toothpaste or scatters his things all over the house or forgets glasses of tea or leaves candy wrappers.

Each of us has our own habits and our own behavior in everyday life.

A person in love believes that next to him is exactly the same person, with the same habits, if I feel good, then he feels good too. At first, this is what happens, but later, everything changes.

Burning with feelings and remembering your loved one around the clock is about falling in love. With love, everyone has more defined personal boundaries and preferences.

This is when you are in love, any pastime separately from the other is perceived as betrayal, just like not love, lack of feelings, etc. When in love, you understand that your loved one has every right to plan his time the way he wants. After all, you are also a full-fledged person with your own desires, plans and desires.

How to understand love or infatuation by “symptoms”

It is believed that not every person is capable of truly loving, pushing their interests into the background and devoting their life to another person. However, each of us wants to meet someone with whom we will be connected with just such bright, warm, but at the same time strong feelings. But such common character traits as selfishness and narcissism prevent people from being truly sincere and selfless in relationships.

At the same time, everyone is capable of falling in love, including the most selfish men and women. But it is extremely rare that this suddenly flared passion can develop into something more. Falling in love is different in that it fades away very quickly, and any difficulties on the path of lovers can separate them.

Signs of falling in love

Anyone who has ever been in love can describe this feeling, and the signs will be approximately the same. Your mood improves, problems fade into the background, you are completely captured by your object of adoration and cannot think about anything else. Naturally, in such a state it is difficult for a person to think sensibly, and he is unlikely to think about whether this is love or fleeting affection. At the same time, often after positive “symptoms” come negative ones: a person becomes fixated on his relationship, perceives everything connected with it extremely emotionally, and at the same time forgets about all other aspects of his life. There are several signs of falling in love:

1. Idealization of an object

Love differs from falling in love and passion in that a loving person really evaluates his partner along with his strengths, weaknesses and habits, accepting him as such. A lover has a certain idealized image in his head: the beloved seems to him the most beautiful, strong, intelligent, etc. The result of such a distorted perception is only one: when the passion subsides and the person looks at his chosen one more soberly, he will discover a bunch of shortcomings and simply not will be able to come to terms with them.

1. Excessive requirements

This sign is a direct consequence of the first, because the “ideal” partner must do everything perfectly. We expect that he will always be in a good mood, will be glad to have our company at any time, will idolize and carry us in his arms. In fact, it may turn out that he doesn’t care about our feelings at all. At the same time, a person overwhelmed by passion is not able to adequately perceive the lack of reciprocity; it seems to him almost an insult.

1. Jealousy

Jealousy is the most destructive feeling. And it is strongly connected with falling in love, which is distinguished by the fact that a person wants to possess the object of his feelings, like a thing. Selfishness plays a huge role here: we place our desire not to share a partner with anyone above his personal boundaries and needs for communication. As a result, instead of trusting his chosen one, the lover is constantly looking for signs of betrayal.

1. From love to hate

Falling in love also differs from love in stability. If you love a person, it is unlikely that your feelings can be shaken by some random phrase or insignificant event. But a person in love cannot be sure whether he will wake up tomorrow just as intoxicated with his feelings, or will look at his partner with completely different eyes.

1. Time

Many people wonder at what point falling in love begins to turn into love. It is believed that the period of the most vivid and intense emotions cannot last more than a few months. Then a calmer period lasts up to several years, when the couple can get to know each other more deeply, get used to everyday life, etc. Feelings can continue to live if both partners are serious, ready to constantly take care of each other, forgive insults. At this moment we can already talk about love, which is distinguished by respect for one’s loved one, warmth and tenderness, and a willingness to compromise. But passion and infatuation do not always develop into love: at some point, the desire to be together may simply disappear.

Signs of true love

Love is a kind of “pink dream” that many people carry throughout their lives. It seems that when that same person appears in life, it will instantly change for the better. At the same time, rarely does anyone think that relationships are not only pleasant moments, but also constant work. What is the difference between love and falling in love? True feeling can be “calculated” by the following signs:

1. Accepting your partner's shortcomings

When relationships between people are just beginning, it is hardly possible to talk about any depth of feelings. First of all, they pay attention to each other’s appearance and positive character traits. But each of us also has shortcomings, and if you want to live a happy life with someone, you have to come to terms with these shortcomings. This is precisely why true love differs from falling in love: people have been together for quite a long time, and they know many unpleasant facts about each other, but they accept them and do not consider that any shortcomings make their partner unworthy of love.

1. Partner focus

Love does not tolerate insincerity, deception and betrayal, because for a loving person, the happiness of the loved one comes first. This protects the lover from any dishonest word or vile act, since he is not able to hurt his loved one. He is ready to open up to him, talk about his problems, and also listen to criticism addressed to him and change his behavior if necessary. A loving person differs from a lover in that difficulties do not frighten him, because for the sake of his chosen one he is ready to do anything.

1. Equality

There can be competition between lovers in any common field of activity: who is smarter, who cooks better, who earns more, etc. If we are talking about love, here the partners sincerely rejoice at each other’s achievements. Each of them supports the other in all endeavors and sees no point in proving that he is better and more successful in some way.

1. Willingness to give

Love is different in that a person is ready to give a lot to his soulmate, without thinking about what he will receive in return. When both partners are more inclined to think about each other than about themselves, such relationships develop most harmoniously: in them both the man and the woman feel comfortable.

1. Takes time

You can literally fall in love at first sight: you saw a person for the first time, and now he just can’t get out of your head, and you want to be with him all the time. As for love, it takes time to arise. Lovers must get to know each other, go through good and bad times together, learn to hear and understand their partner. This wisdom, which most young couples do not have, only comes with age.

Looking at these signs, we can conclude that love is seriously different from falling in love. And the most important thing for us is that relationships based only on passion very quickly become obsolete and are replaced by others. Relationships based on love require enormous dedication and patience from partners. This is a lot of work, which is rewarded by the fact that a loved one always remains nearby.

The fragility of feelings and emotions when falling in love

Love or infatuation, what is their difference?

Falling in love flashes brightly, but does not burn for long. As soon as you get to know a person better and communicate longer, completely opposite things happen:

You will be disappointed and break up;

You will begin to get to know each other better and move to the next stage of the relationship - to love.

The statistics are inexorable - falling in love lasts a maximum of 2 years, and then epiphany occurs.

Of course, there are shorter relationships, someone falls in love for 2 months, literally experiences euphoria from the relationship, and then it all ends. And after parting, they begin to suffer and remember what happened, creating a love addiction.

What about love, how long does it last?

Love lasts longer, especially if everything is good in the relationship, there are no minor misunderstandings, quarrels, there is an understanding of the friend, the ability to give in, but at the same time, have strong personal boundaries. There are many nuances to ensure long-lasting love in a couple, but the most important nuance is mutual respect for each other. Without respect, you cannot talk about love.

Quarrels and resentment towards each other are the main reasons when love leaves a relationship.

How to forgive and let go of grievances against a person, read the detailed instructions.

There is an expression - love is quiet. Yes, love does not sparkle with emotions, it simply lives inside a person, warming, giving meaning to life and inner satisfaction.

Love or infatuation, what is their difference?

We talked about the 4 main differences between love and falling in love, of course, as many relationships as there are so many nuances. Perhaps you were unable to see something of yourself that you have.

But the fifth difference will put everything in its place. It is this sign that can accurately determine whether you are in impulsive love or true love?

The fifth difference between love and falling in love is whether I can let go of my loved one?

First, I will say about love... when you love, then you trust your loved one, and you have no fear of losing him or that he will leave you and love someone else.

Why?

Because you want him to be happy.

And this does not mean that he should be happy only with you. And if suddenly he meets someone else and tells you about it, then, despite your pain, let him go. Because you want him to be happy.

And if you talk about love, but are not ready to let go, then you do not have love, but fear. Fear of loss, fear of being alone.

By attaching yourself to yourself or becoming attached to a person, you create love dependence when another person becomes the meaning of life. It is not right!

The meaning of life is different for everyone, and it lies in living your own life, finding joy, happiness, overcoming difficulties.

Of course, if your loved one is next to you, then all this happens much simpler and easier, but you should not assume that without someone you cannot live or have lost the meaning of life. Initially, the question was posed incorrectly.

In conclusion, I would like to note that many people experience dissatisfaction with their relationships, believing that if there are no bright, romantic moments, then there is no love.

Do not confuse love with infatuation, be realistic, do not build unrealistic expectations, and then there will be no disappointment.

I hope I managed to explain - love or infatuation, what is their difference?

Write your opinion in the comments, what is the difference between love and falling in love, what do you think are the differences?

Be loved and happy!

Sincerely, psychologist Natalia Gnezdilova.

PS . I suggest watching the video “If you stopped being loved. Psychologist's advice"

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Romantics' idea of ​​love

Romantics are sure that love is a wonderful, bright feeling given to a person by higher powers. Nothing can compare to it. Thanks to his powerful strength, an individual can see all the bright sides in his chosen one, find out how rich his inner world is, and appreciate his external attractiveness. Love instills in a person enormous energy, which helps him cope with life's difficulties and confidently leads him to the heights of success.

Pragmatists believe that love lies in a careful and attentive attitude towards the object of adoration. And over time, the feeling develops into attachment.

READ How to stop loving someone you love very much: advice from a psychologist