Five more minutes: Irina Burmistrova - about slow people

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Slowness is not a disadvantage, but a feature of some children, which, as a rule, causes them and their parents a lot of trouble. In group classes, children do not keep up with their peers, they find it difficult to play sports, and at home, slow children can spend hours getting ready for a walk or fulfilling a simple request. Parents and other adults often don’t know how to properly respond to a child’s slowness, so they rush him, thereby only making things worse. In this article we will tell you about the causes of slowness in children and how this feature can be corrected.

Why is the child slow?

Most of the possible causes of slowness can be classified as physiological, while some are associated with the characteristics of upbringing and the psychology of the baby. Let's take a closer look at each of these reasons.

1. Low mobility of nervous processes. Mobility is a property of the nervous system that determines the speed and optimal pace of performing any activity. Closely related to this is the concept of temperament, that is, an innate personality quality that affects a person’s emotionality, impulsiveness, energy, and endurance. Temperament is most clearly noticeable after 3 years. Representatives of “slow” temperament types include phlegmatic and melancholic people.

Temperament is not “bad” or “good”, but it does have strengths and weaknesses. We cannot influence what is inherent in nature, but we can help a child accept his individuality, learn to control his temperament and develop positive qualities.

• Phlegmatic children have a strong and balanced nervous system. Such kids are often called “comfortable children”, because they are obedient and calm, reasonable and unhurried, and can study and play independently for a long time. They eat well and sleep a lot, love to draw and sculpt, read books, and play quiet games. Phlegmatic people are painstaking workers. They do not always achieve success quickly, but they work with diligence. Such children especially need acceptance and support from their parents. Children with this type of temperament are characterized by particular slowness and lethargy. A peculiarity of phlegmatic people is that it can be difficult for them to adapt to new conditions and join the team.
• Melancholic children, like phlegmatic children, get tired quickly, are easily distracted, and learn new things slowly and with difficulty. Children with this type of temperament are very sensitive and vulnerable. Despite the fact that the child does not express his feelings and emotions clearly, deep down in his soul he experiences deep and strong experiences. More than anything else, a melancholic child loves consistency. He treats changes with distrust and takes a long time to get used to them. Melancholic people prefer solitude and quiet activities to cheerful outdoor games. They are closed and indecisive.

The degree of mobility of nervous processes is transmitted at the genetic level. But this does not mean that at 7 years old a child will be as slow as at 3 years old, because as the child grows up, he learns to compensate for those features that somehow hinder him.

1. Lack of attention, namely difficulty switching attention from one activity to another. It is not easy for children with such characteristics to keep up with a rapidly changing situation; it is not easy for them to carry out assignments consisting of several points, and, moreover, it is almost impossible to do several things at the same time.
2. Left-handedness. Some studies show that left-handed children are slower to learn skills than their right-handed peers. However, no serious statistical data has been provided in this regard.
3. Weakened immunity and physical illness can also affect the pace of a child’s activities.
4. If your baby's slowness is associated only with a certain type of activity, perhaps he simply does not want to do it.
5. The desire to attract attention. A child who does not receive enough care and affection will most likely try to attract attention in various ways. Slowness can evoke much more emotion in adults than “being good.”
6. Some parents encourage their little ones to do extremely calm and quiet activities, as they cannot stand noise and running around. But in this case, a naturally mobile and active child runs the risk of becoming slow.

Five more minutes: Irina Burmistrova - about slow people

Irina Burmistrova is an avid lover of city life, a Moscow journalist and lazy cyclist, and also a moderately conscientious mother and wife. He loves jazz, hates the outskirts and is impressed a lot with or without reason, which he talks about in his column on m24.ru.

Photo: YAY/TASS

I stood in my brother’s kitchen and chatted about something. “Did you know that cucumbers fried in soy sauce are delicious?” – I asked. He was surprised. I turned to the window and slowly began poking at his wife’s pet, a giant snail in a moss-strewn aquarium on the windowsill. Before I finally had time to ask why she was keeping me so busy, my brother put a plate on the table. While I was collecting my thoughts, he fried those same cucumbers and served the dish.

My brother is a fast person and I am a slow person. While he is reading all of Gumilyov, I am slowly getting ready for lunch. I can’t say that I’m completely slow; at work I’m even quite fast. But in everyday life, in comparison with him or, for example, with my mother-in-law... While I choose which spoon to feed the child with, she manages to wash the dishes, cook herring under a fur coat and assemble a closet in the attic. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but only a little.

We, sluggish people, often feel awkward in the company of active and nimble people. At a bodily level, we begin to feel how time passes through our fingers, feet and heads. We feel like nurses. Sometimes we simply do not have time to answer the question: while we think that we cannot prolong the pause, quick interlocutors change the topic. In the company of ordinary people with average speed, we feel completely normal, but with those... Every moment we see ourselves through their eyes, we push ourselves and because of this we get even more lost. We feel uncomfortable because it takes us longer to learn something. (I think I realized what I have in common with that snail. And you probably understood earlier)

Photo: TASS/DPA/Frank May

They say that all women take a long time to get ready. It is not true. I have friends who can rush out of the house five minutes after waking up, and only on the way remember that they forgot to wash their face or put on a bra. Those who doubt a lot take a long time to gather. Those who cannot make up their minds always want something special that is not in nature or, at least, in the refrigerator and wardrobe. Who needs three years to figure out the meaning of a poem spinning in their head, and five years to at least begin the long process of forgiving comrades who have stumbled, displeased relatives and unfamiliar scoundrels. Who cares to hear words of approval, even from their own internal censor, in order to start a movement. For those who have a whole gap between “I want to do” and “I do” - the time needed to make sure that we really want it.

“I’m in the concern,” my colleague said when I worked as a copywriter in one wonderful PR agency. We are, and often are, in the cannery for trifles.

Of course, slowness should not be confused with inhibition. In elementary school we had a girl named Sveta, she was the slowest in the class. She was not stupid or mentally retarded, although from our conversations and looks this could well be concluded. It’s just that even then, during her vigorous early childhood, she had a different speed. One day, Sveta’s mother decided to make friends for her and invited almost all the girls in her class to her daughter’s birthday. Instead of the usual games, cake and sweets, they offered salads, hot dishes and, it seemed, sweets, by which time everyone was almost asleep. The holiday passed just as long and tiringly as Sveta collected her thoughts at the blackboard. I still remember that mixture of surprise and boredom, boredom and surprise, and time passing through my fingers, feet, that’s all. It seems that we all then understood where the girl’s mumbling and old man’s inhibitions came from - she was raised that way.

Photo: TASS/YAY/Scott Griessel/Creatista

That's not what our slowness is about. It’s about the complexity of even the most obvious choice, indecision and doubt, and the need to sort through endless options. About the dense fog of the universe, from which you need to isolate an image, word, sound or meaning, even in the simplest questions. There is something poetic and dramatic about it. It even has its own beauty.

Slow people don't want to be and look insecure. They will not write in the night to all available contacts: “What to do, what to do, oh my God, what?” and will not set the status “I’m in a panic” on social networks. They will wait until the panic—or that milky fog—dissipates, and then they will say, do, and respond with confidence. And if you don't stare at them and sigh, then there may be a pearl in this conscious answer.

There is such a wonderful expression in English: take your time. It’s just for us: don’t push yourself, don’t reproach and don’t fuss. Everyone needs their own time and their own portion of the patience of others in order to move forward gracefully. Maybe if we tell you about it, we'll stop feeling awkward about bullshit.

Plot: Personal impressions of Irina Burmistrova

How to behave if your baby is slow?

Psychologists identify several important rules for communicating with slow children, adhering to which you can help the child feel comfortable and successful.

• Don't rush the baby. This is perhaps the most important principle that must be followed. At the word “faster!” the kids begin to get nervous and fuss, but this not only does not increase their pace, but often decreases. Irritation and dissatisfaction with a child’s slowness can cause neurosis.
• Praise your baby even for small achievements.
• Don't compare your child to his faster peers. This greatly affects his self-esteem.
• Avoid shortcuts. A preschooler learns most of the information about himself from the lips of close and significant adults. If others constantly call the baby a lazy person or a hoarder, he will not have the thought of changing anything.
• Clearly organize your baby's daily routine. This will help make everyday tasks easier, since the baby will know what exactly awaits him in the near future. Use various visual aids (schematic calendars, posters with to-do lists, etc.), they will serve as a kind of time reference for the child.
• Give your little one clear tasks and requests. Preschoolers usually perceive only one instruction at a time, so you need to try to express your requirements as clearly and specifically as possible.
• Do not do for your child what he can handle on his own.

Give your child the opportunity to “work” at a pace that is optimal for him, and then the quality of such work will be high.

How to deal with procrastination

For example, going to school every day. Maybe sometimes it was possible not to do homework. However, presence at school itself was mandatory. In this state, certain mechanisms that are responsible for listening to oneself can be “switched off.” To your needs and desires. For example, you had a desire not to go to school. However, you still went.

With the end of school, this internal “should” seems to go away. Now you are becoming an adult, independent. You may be asked questions: “Where do you want to go to study? Where will you go to work? and so on. And it turns out that you have to answer yourself the question: “What do I really want?”

Now imagine your body before you started pumping it up. How soon does an atrophied muscle come to its senses and begin to gain weight well?

The same is true inside. Your mechanism for determining your own needs has atrophied. And instead of giving strength to this mechanism, you drive yourself into the state even more. Which distances you from yourself.

To get rid of slowness, you need ONE thing - to understand what you really want. At every moment of time. Do you really want to go to Moscow? And what follows.

Train your self-understanding mechanism. And then the issue of slowness will disappear.

I understand that this is not an easy task. I will be happy to help you in individual consultations.

With faith in your happiness, Svetlana Morozova, psychologist, author of the book “How to Find Your Soul Mate.”

How to deal with procrastination

Slowness is a “little weakness” due to which most tasks remain unfulfilled.

Games for slow children

Preschool and primary school age are considered the most suitable time for correcting slowness. This trait can be quite successfully corrected with the help of special games and exercises. Their point is not to force the child to complete the task quickly, as this can only aggravate the situation. The main characteristic of games for slow children is sharp transitions between fast and slow pace of work. Here are a few such games and exercises.

• "Applause". Imagine that you and your baby went to watch a play (for ambiance, you can sit in front of the TV and turn on some program). Agree that you will express your emotions from what you see through applause. If you and your child like what is happening on stage, clap intensely; if not, clap slowly.
• "Kitty." The essence of this game is that, on command, the baby must, like a cat, clench and unclench his fingers at a certain pace. If an adult says the word “sun,” the baby should turn into a cat, basking in the sun and slowly releasing its claws. If you say the word “mouse,” then the child should quickly clench and unclench his fingers, as if the cat wants to catch prey.
• “I run, I hurry, I walk.” This exercise is best done outdoors. As in previous games, the child must change the speed of his movements at the adult’s signal. So, for example, if you raise your arms up, the baby should try to run as quickly as possible, if you lower your arms down, walk at a fast pace, fold your arms on your chest, walk slowly, as if walking. It’s up to you to decide which gestures and signals to use, the main thing is that they are clear enough to the baby.

To achieve results, games need to be played regularly (if possible, every day for 10-15 minutes). At the same time, the baby should be in a good mood and play for fun. Also make sure that your child does not become overtired.

• "Mirror". In this game, the baby must repeat all your movements after you. An adult can come up with a wide variety of actions and change the speed of his movements. A little humor and antics wouldn't hurt either.
• "Prohibited movement." In essence, this game is similar to the previous exercise, but the child needs to be more attentive, because in addition to copying movements, he needs to stop in time when he sees a “stop movement” (it can be absolutely anything, the main thing is to agree on it in advance). Instead of copying the prohibited movement, the child should clap his hands and continue the game further.
• "It's the other way around." At the first stage of the exercise, the baby must follow the adult’s direct commands: “faster”, “slower”, “louder”, “quieter”. When the child copes well with this task, you can move on to the second stage, where the baby will need to do everything in reverse. For example, on the command “louder” - speak in a whisper, on the command “slower” - run fast, and so on.
• "Wrappers." For this ancient, but very fun game, you will need a long (at least 5 meters) rope with a knot tied in the middle. Players need to stand at different ends of the rope and, on command, begin to wrap it around themselves. The one with the fastest knot wins.
• "Woodpecker". Using a horizontal and vertical line, divide a sheet of paper into four equal parts. In a minute, the child should, tapping with a pencil or felt-tip pen, try to leave as many dots as possible in the first rectangle. Then you can move on to the next rectangles. In this game, the child competes with himself, comparing the number of dots in different parts of the sheet.

How to deal with laziness, how to achieve success

It’s very simple: clearly visualize the positive result of your efforts and the consequences of not completing the task on time. When you achieve your goal, be sure to reward yourself: for example, buy yourself ice cream, go to the cinema, etc.

* To compete with slowness, you first need to get even with your own indecision. How to do this?

Easy: give yourself enough time to collect information, think about it and make a decision. Distinguish between these two concepts: the period of analysis of the information received on your case and the time of action. The main thing is to strive to form the most complete idea of ​​what you are dealing with, what likely difficulties you will encounter in implementing your plans and how you will eliminate them.

* In the fight against slowness, moving towards the goal by inertia will help. Understand: it is always easier to continue what has already been started than to start something fundamentally new and set yourself a corresponding start.

* Plan your time, schedule your day even in small things. This way you will learn to do everything on time.

Although at first this may not work out, don’t be discouraged: patience and work will grind everything down! In addition, the habit of performing certain duties at the same time in a given order and acting in accordance with a schedule will serve you well.

* Always try to do unpleasant things first, and only then take on easy ones that do not cause psychological discomfort. You will benefit greatly from this, since your overall activities will become much more productive than before.

Good luck!

Nadezhda Ponomarenko

Article for parents on psychology “Slow children are phlegmatic”: important tips

Slow children are phlegmatic
First of all, it is worth remembering that a slow child is very vulnerable when entering a new school or changing kindergarten. Therefore, it is important to pay increased attention to the adaptation period. Moreover, you need to make it as comfortable as possible. Here are some more important tips for parents about slow phlegmatic children:

• Teach your child to be less emotional towards his own failures and the opinions of other children , not to be upset about mistakes, but to try to become better.
• No matter how slow the offspring is, impatient parents are no less a problem. Therefore, the child’s behavior should be corrected with understanding and as calmly as possible.
• Some children are slow not because they have trouble reacting, but because they are afraid of doing something wrong. Therefore, it is important to give the child an understanding that even if he makes a mistake and does not do what he is asked to do, it’s okay. If the result of his labors is bad, no one will shout, get angry or scold him.
• The faster a special child learns that time needs to be planned , divided into study time, meals, personal hygiene, leisure, and developmental activities, the faster his slowness will decrease. Of course, we are not talking about something like a concentration camp. Therefore, it is important not to overdo it here.
• The child must learn to “make friends” with the clock so that a simple reflex is developed: “It’s one o’clock in the afternoon. I have to have lunch quickly, because I have to go to music school at 2:00 p.m.,” “I have to do all my homework before half past four—after all, today is Vova’s birthday from the next door, and I don’t want to miss this event,” and so on.
• Motivation can be both positive and negative . But even the last one is useful. Let’s say if a bigot, as mentioned in the example above, is in a hurry to go home in order to have time to play on the PC before his mother comes and tells him to do his homework. This is also a way to develop reaction speed, even if it is directed not towards discipline, but towards ignoring responsibilities.

In some cases, in addition to encouraging a hoarder with a kind word, you can also try material encouragement: “If you and I manage to do our homework on time, we’ll go to the cinema/park/go-karting/shoot at a shooting range.” It is important to make the child aware that improving the reaction is necessary, first of all, for his own good.

It is important to understand: Of course, the child is not to blame for his slowness. But if he has a strong incentive to minimize it, then positive changes will come much faster.

What activities to enroll a slow child at 8-9 years old in: tips

A slow child should be sent to additional activities that he likes.
Usually at 8-9 years old, parents begin to notice that their baby is a “bummer”. When other children are already bringing their first results to their mom and dad, their child is still standing still. What classes should I send my slow child to?

• Of course, the leisure time of the “kopushi” should not differ from the free time of other children.
• Therefore, in addition to home games aimed at speeding up the reaction, you can try to enroll your child in a sports section.
• But what kind of sport should you choose so that the exercises not only benefit the body, make the child physically stronger, but also increase the degree of his “agility?”

There are many alternatives, read below for tips.

If the child is a boy, martial arts are preferable. They can be throwing or impact. In addition to developing responsiveness in the physical sense, coaches of these sports also cultivate the “philosophical side” of the young athlete, as a rule, this is:

• Self-discipline
• Ability to concentrate one's strength
• Distribute energy
• Subordinate movements to the brain center

Worth knowing: Children who attend such sections become patient and know how to maintain self-control. Consequently, the hoarder’s fingers will stop getting tangled when he tries in vain to quickly tie his shoelaces or fasten his coat with all the buttons.

Even young athletes always have excellent respect for themselves and others. They know how to listen and hear, resolve conflicts with people and work in a team.

It is worth remembering: Parents should not forget about the increased risk of injury in any sport. Therefore, adequately assess the risks and effects of classes before sending your child to one or another section.

Martial arts have a positive effect not only on reaction. By doing them, the child will become not slow, but thoughtful - but, at the same time, ready to “speed up” significantly if necessary.

How to help an inert, slow child become fast: reviews

An inert, sluggish child needs to be helped to become fast.
Adults try to send their children to dozens of sections, just so that he can stay busy. It’s difficult for a child; he doesn’t have time to both study and study well, especially if he’s a pushover. Therefore, the best way would be to ask the child himself what he would like to do. After all, regardless of whether a child is a hoot or not, enthusiasm and effort are the most important thing in sports. Accordingly, torturing yourself and going to the “unloved” section is not the best option. Read the reviews below about how other parents helped their inert and slow children become fast:

Andrey, 33 years old

My Katyusha was very slow from early childhood. Each teeth cleaning took half an hour, and we usually did our homework for half a day. But since we started practicing correctional games as a family, which we learned about from the Internet, significant improvements have begun. My daughter began to get ready for school much faster; she no longer has to be rushed. Of course, the reaction is still a little slow, but the main thing is patience.

Victoria, 25 years old

When my husband suggested sending our slow Vanya to the martial arts section, I was very scared. But she didn’t argue. Now he is unrecognizable. Already a month later, changes in the reaction rate began to be observed. Moreover, he became more responsible. He already understands that he can’t dig around and tries to restore the “order of actions” as quickly as possible.

Antonina Vasilievna, 60 years old

Just recently, my granddaughter, Lenochka, was a terrible scoundrel. Our psychologist advised us to use corrective games. To be honest, we did not expect such radical changes. Six months later, she began to get ready for a walk faster than anyone else, and her school performance improved significantly. I will recommend this method to all my friends who believe that a “slow child” is a death sentence.