In life, there are often situations when a guy loves a girl, but agrees only to the role of a friend, having no alternative. This can be caused by the wrong model of a man’s behavior towards a girl, her lack of sympathy, as well as a number of external factors and circumstances. Psychology considers a number of actions and ways for a guy to get out of the friend zone by getting a girl interested in him like a man.
If a man initially agreed to the role of a friend, but in time made attempts to switch to a romantic relationship, this is quite logical and normal. But by prolonging the period of friendship, you can gradually reduce the likelihood that a man will be able to leave the friend zone altogether. And due to competition, you can simply lose your chance, so it’s worth resorting to the advice of specialists in time.
Basic rules for avoiding the friend zone
To understand whether it is possible to get out of the friend zone and become more than just a friend for a girl, you need to take action and show initiative. The main thing is to give up hopes that very soon the girl will see him as a good and loving guy. Nothing happens for nothing, any result will be the outcome of actions. And in order not to look for ways to get out of the friend zone, a man needs to know the basic rules of how not to fall into it in the first place.
The main reason why a guy sooner or later becomes just a friend for a girl is the lack of attempts at tactile contact and physical intimacy. That is, young people go on dates, spend time together, they are comfortable and interested in each other. But the guy doesn’t try to hug or kiss the girl, and he’s also not inclined towards sexual contact.
At first, such behavior is completely justified by respect for the girl’s honor and dignity. But sooner or later she herself will wait for touches and kisses, and simple communication will quickly become boring. A girl may decide for herself that her partner does not like her, and even with further communication, she will begin to look for another potential chosen one. This will be the beginning of the friend zone due to the fault of the man and his indecision.
Accordingly, the main rule on how to avoid becoming friends with a girl is that a young man needs to take steps towards physical rapprochement in time. If at first she refuses tactile contact, you need to wait a little longer, but do not put off intimacy for a long time. With repeated refusals, we can conclude that the problem lies with the girl herself; the man is required to gradually reduce the distance between them.
What is a friend zone
The term comes from popular everyday psychology, where it is still most often used. People first learned about the friend zone in 1994 thanks to the series “Friends,” in which one of the characters was unrequitedly in love with a girl. The alternative name for unrequited love was liked by a wide audience; it began to be actively used in colloquial language, the media, and then in popular psychology.
Today, the friend zone problem is considered from three sides:
- Is it possible to get out of it?
- Does the friend zone exist as a form of friendship between a man and a woman?
- Are everyone in the friend zone being used for personal gain?
Thus, a friend zone is a relationship between a man and a woman in which one participant experiences friendly feelings, and the other is in love with him. This is an unequal exchange of emotions and energy; a one-sided relationship in which one participant inevitably suffers.
Family psychologist, personal growth coach for women Dmitry Soroka notes that the difference between the male and female friend zone is one thing:
- 9 out of 10 women accept the situation, do not get hung up on it and do not try to “break” a man.
- Men are less likely to put up with the friend zone. Due to high self-esteem and consumerism, which are characteristic of most men, they perceive the situation as offensive, they want to assert themselves and prove their worth to the girl. Sometimes they leave the friend zone only to take revenge, use and abandon their chosen one.
Men are more likely than girls to fall into the friend zone. At the same time, they are ready to do anything for the girl, fulfill any request, and always support. A man does this with the expectation that he will someday leave the friend zone and enter into a love relationship with the object of his affection. And some people succeed.
How to understand that you are in the friend zone?
To prevent falling into the friend zone, a man needs to know the main reasons for falling into it. Psychologists identify 5 misdeeds of guys, because of which they become good friends, not lovers. Namely:
- lack of flirting;
- man's indecision;
- indulging the girl in any decisions and actions;
- excessive time spent together;
- a man does not show his sexuality.
Psychologists also name signs of the friend zone for those guys who cannot independently understand who they are to a girl. There may be several signs, for example:
- She discusses her friends and other young people with the man.
- She often tells the man that he is a good person and a great guy.
- She can meet the man's friends, but does not show him to her friends.
- She refuses tactile contact.
- The man did not show his serious intentions for the future of the relationship.
- A man will be there when she needs her, but you can’t expect help from her.
- She glances at other guys.
- A man turns into a vest for tears and complaints.
- There is no conversation between young people about relationships.
- If sex did happen, but was under the influence of strong drinks only once.
Signs of a friend zone can be isolated or complex; in any case, a man needs to urgently take action to get out of it. Otherwise, very soon he may see her with another man, more decisive and proactive.
How to get out of the friend zone?
You can determine whether you can get out of the friend zone by how the girl reacts to the topic regarding relationships. If she immediately declares that initially she can only be friends, this is a decision she has already made, which will be difficult or even impossible to change.
You can get out of it if you take the following actions in time:
- There is no need to dissuade the girl from her decision . It would be stupid for a man to beg her, looking pitiful and sad.
- There is no need to stop communication or reduce it to a minimum . This will only cause a feeling of resentment in her; accordingly, the friend’s position and the impossibility of the relationship will only become stronger. Also, you don’t need to behave like an offended person, losing her respect against this background.
- There is no need to sharply reduce the distance or approach a girl with sexual innuendos . You can try to behave with her as with a friend, sharing, for example, your thoughts about other girls. This can ignite a feeling of jealousy in a girl and the realization that this is not really friendship after all.
Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova
Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.
You need to act in the direction of the girl and get out of her friend zone on time, but gradually without haste. To do this, you need to analyze the reasons that contribute to the girl’s friendly attitude towards the guy, and then you should change yourself and your format of communication, reducing the distance.
How can a girl get out of it?
In order for you to be able to interest your friend as an individual of the opposite sex, you need to behave accordingly. It is important to make it clear that you are also an excellent candidate for the role of your loved one. Let's talk about how to get a girl out of the friend zone.
- Your task will change for the better if a friend has repeatedly mentioned some shortcomings or bad traits of your character. If necessary, seek help from a psychologist who can carry out qualified work and correct behavior.
- Don't get hung up on your friend, continue to develop and pursue a hobby. The guy will begin to admire you and treat you with respect.
- If you are now dressing like a tomboy, in the eyes of a young man “your boy,” it’s time to become more feminine, put on heels and dresses.
- You can change and thereby attract the attention of a friend to your person. To do this, go to a beauty salon, get a new hairstyle, it is advisable to know what types your friend likes. You can also join a gym to improve your figure.
- When communicating with a friend, behave with restraint, do not throw tantrums. It is unacceptable to show any feelings that can strain a young man and scare him away from the idea of a close relationship.
- Show your weakness, let a friend take care of you.
- It is important to control yourself and not bother your friend too much. It is unacceptable to pester, pester with calls and SMS.
What do we have to do?
The subsequent actions of a guy who wants to leave the friend zone will be aimed at changing himself, behavior and the format of communication with the girl. Psychologists advise doing the following:
- You need not to show your feelings and affection for the girl. One can imagine that the girl is actually just an acquaintance, not arousing much interest.
- The man himself needs to become the most interesting interlocutor, communicate with her on all sorts of topics. It’s good if the communication involves a man’s sense of humor, charisma, erudition and intelligence.
- A man needs to become a standard, developing in himself all those qualities and traits that girls look for in potential partners. That is, you need to become strong, strong, pumped up, smart, beautiful and stylish, successful and decisive. You need to find out the type that the girl prefers, and then adapt yourself to it.
- You need to become independent. That is, if a girl called a man a friend, she should refuse courtship, changing her tactics of behavior. This does not mean that the man will stop spending time with her, he just needs to reduce it by going about his own business. A girl should not see a man suffering, this will only worsen the situation.
- Despite the friendly format of communication, you need to give her compliments. By showing gallantry and manners, speaking words of praise and encouragement, you can establish an emotional connection between young people. But at the same time, you don’t need to look at her with loving eyes, showing more coldness.
Girls tend to act according to their mood, and as psychologists say, these are rather fickle individuals. Under the influence of circumstances and when a man’s behavior changes, a woman may look at him with different eyes.
Friend zone: how to survive if it’s hard?
What to do if you still cannot achieve a change in the communication frame even after you have followed all the recommendations. Well, firstly, if you do everything as I said, then your neediness will go away, and this will create conditions under which you will probably stop worrying about the “one and only” and come to your senses.
Secondly, you will be able to let go of the situation. With women, it is important to remember that there are many other more attractive and loyal women out there. Don’t even try to engage in mental (or even ordinary) masturbation while indulging in daydreams. Do you know what kind of men women like? Those who take their toll. So, take it and become such a man!
How to stop being friends and start dating?
Separately, experts offer effective ways for a guy to get out of the friend zone with the prospect of further relationships. To do this, it will be enough to understand and do the following:
- Become a man . There is no need to behave like a helpful girlfriend, feel sorry for her and agree with her in everything. The man will show that discussing girlfriends or even other guys in his presence is inappropriate; you can simply make it clear that he is not interested in this topic at all.
- Talk only about each other. To get a girl into a relationship, a man needs to communicate with her only about him and the girl herself, or better yet, in the context of “we.”
- Mark the distance. She needs to be shown that she needs to run away with tears and complaints to her friend, and not to a man. He can only cheer her up, distract her with another date, hug and kiss her.
- Date other girls until she agrees to date a man. If a man is only a friend to her, he is free to choose new companions for himself, and if she starts to be jealous, it’s worth immediately discussing the format of their relationship.
- Continue to care. In relation to a girl, you need to be attentive, polite and slightly courteous, but without excessive manifestations of love.
Have you ever had to leave the friend zone?
Not really
If a man tries in every possible way to become more than a friend for a girl, but all the above methods do not change her opinion, most likely, this is simply not his girlfriend. There are a lot of beautiful, smart and promising women in the world who are ready for serious relationships. Being fixated on one simply delays the moment of meeting your future wife.
