One of the Orthodox commandments says: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Everyone understands what is meant by self-love in their own way. However, there are boundaries within which self-love is an excellent motivator for self-improvement, and when going beyond conventional boundaries, a person risks becoming a narcissistic egoist.
Heightened self-esteem
Is there any benefit to self-love?
Black color in psychology - what it means for women and men who like
Everything is good in moderation. The same goes for your attitude towards yourself. A person must love himself, otherwise he will not have an incentive to develop, increase his level of education, provide himself with quality food, timely medical examinations, and develop his body. Only with self-esteem can you defend your interests in disputes, occupy a leading position in a team, and have an opinion that is significant for others. This is precisely the meaning that should be inherent in self-love: the desire to become an authority for others, to take a responsible approach to any work, to put effort into self-discipline.
Attention! Healthy pride borders on boorish narcissism, which destroys everything good that is in character, erases the lines of good and evil in relationships between people, and turns a person into a forced loner.
Inadequate overestimation of one’s abilities becomes the cause of a distorted perception of one’s position in society. Individuals who “crown” themselves become a laughing stock for others, without realizing it. They can be recognized by their arrogant look and specific gait. They not only want to have the best, but also undeservedly consider themselves to be successful in everything, even when they have absolutely no knowledge of the subject area.
Braggart
Definition
By definition, narcissism means a personality trait of a person that encourages him to constantly admire himself. And it’s not just about looking at one’s appearance in the mirror. A person admires personal qualities, virtues, achievements, abilities and what contributes to his manifestation in the world around him.
Self-admiration is inherent in all people without exception. The difference is in the degree to which it manifests itself. Someone is deservedly proud of their merits and successes. And someone develops narcissism - a condition in which a person considers himself to be an order of magnitude better than the people around him.
It is worth noting that narcissism has nothing to do with pride. These are not synonyms. Narcissism manifests itself at different periods of life and in relation to different qualities, achievements, etc. Self-love is a constant character trait, one of the facets of self-esteem.
The tendency to narcissism appears at certain periods of life, when an individual is able to analyze himself and his life, distinguish himself from the background of people around him and the world as a whole.
The difference between self-love and self-esteem
Dissonance - what does it mean?
When assessing self-esteem, deciding whether it is good or bad, you first need to be able to distinguish it from self-esteem. In contrast to excessive pride, a self-respecting person will never allow himself to offend his interlocutor or deprive another of anything in the pursuit of satisfying his desires. At the same time, self-respect is a reason to defend one’s interests in a dispute, not to allow others to neglect private opinion and take oneself lightly. A self-respecting person will not pass off the thoughts of sages as his own; he will be able to formulate his own conclusions with dignity.
What does a proud person mean - he is not just an egoist who concentrates on his desires. This is a person who considers himself the center of the World. With such conceit, it is difficult to build relationships with the opposite sex, much less create a family. As a rule, these are lonely people. However, they also have unions, but in this case the other half also has mental disorders and takes pleasure in the fact that they are constantly psychologically suppressed by their partner and live in endless humiliation.
Sick or wounded pride
Harmony - what does it mean?
Sick pride - what is it, is it possible to learn to cope with it? Psychologists agree that this is possible only after recognizing the presence of a problem. Wounded self-esteem does not allow its owner to adequately perceive criticism even from close relatives. Any attempt to make even the most diplomatic remark to a proud person turns into an explosion of anger on his part, insults and ends in an interruption of the dialogue.
Important! There is such a thing as “excellent student syndrome,” which begins during school years in children whose parents place high demands on their academic performance. Accustoming from an early age to the fact that living correctly means doing everything only “excellently,” students become unprepared for the defeats and failures that inevitably await them in adulthood.
Excellent student syndrome
When talking about what self-esteem is, first of all, we mean defining the self-esteem of a person with an unhealthy perception of disapproval from the environment. Especially such people keenly perceive comments or advice from a person significant in society, just as they react most vividly to praise from such a person. Praise from a well-deserved authority in a team is a source of nourishment for a proud person.
Ways to deal with excessive pride
Psychologists are of the opinion that there is no need to “fight” any manifestations of one’s own character. Instead, it is important to realize how much pride interferes with normal life and relationships with others.
If it does not cause discomfort to the person himself, then the problem does not exist for him. If he really believes that his personal peculiarity prevents him from moving in the direction he needs and at a pace that is comfortable for him, then correction is necessary.
Psychocorrectional work consists of building adequate self-esteem, which is confirmed by:
- understanding of one's own value;
- the ability to see and accept your mistakes and failures, not to give up your inherent positive traits and successes;
- understanding that one’s own personality (like all other people) is unique, therefore you only need to compare yourself with yourself before;
- unshakable knowledge of what is important in life and relationships and what is not, what is acceptable in relation to oneself and others and what is unacceptable, what creates a feeling of discomfort and what makes you happy.
A person who has such knowledge about himself always puts his own interests first. But he does it in such a way as not to violate the boundaries of others, without causing harm. He can set new, increasingly complex goals and achieve them.
And, most importantly, it stops reacting painfully to criticism and depreciation from opponents. He behaves assertively - openly and without aggression he declares that such actions against him are unacceptable until he himself asks for an opinion regarding his person.
Read more: Abstraction in psychology
People with high, unstable self-esteem need the help of a psychologist. But effective work with a specialist is only possible if the person himself realizes the need to correct his personal characteristics. No amount of outside persuasion will force a narcissist to change.
Hurt pride
A proud person is a person who is very easily deeply wounded even by an inoffensive word. Hurt pride can become a weapon in the hands of a competent manipulator. Some managers deliberately hurt the pride of their subordinates, which means for them an unacceptable failure, from which they can only recover by surpassing themselves. Thus, in some teams the level of labor productivity is increased.
Important! In such conversations, department heads do not insult or reprimand vain employees for their poor performance; this is achieved with the help of subtle psychological comparisons and hints that indirectly elevate competitors over the subjects.
The easiest way is to hurt the self-esteem of a narcissistic newcomer; this condition is aggravated due to the already increased level of tension associated with the new environment and a strange team. Psychologists do not recommend arranging strength tests for newly arrived employees until their professional probationary period has expired, since such an attitude can leave the organization without valuable personnel.
Male and female pride
Men and women have completely different life values. This means that the gender division of self-esteem should not be overlooked.
Men are less focused on their appearance than women. They seek satisfaction and self-realization in business, status, car brand and general image. Therefore, their self-esteem can be hurt by:
- comparison of his position with the status of a competitor;
- an unloved neighbor purchasing a more presentable car;
- his woman's intense attention directed at a younger or more daring man.
Attention! The appearance of his woman also matters, since in male circles it gives rise to discussions on this topic and inevitable assessments from competitors.
Women, on the contrary, are obsessed with their appearance, in particular, with details. A proud girl is one who will not allow herself to leave the house with the slightest defect in her manicure, an insufficiently even complexion, or a hint of a mismatch in the color of her accessories and clothes. All this is important not only in order to feel confident and ensure satisfaction with narcissism, but also so that others do not have a reason to prick her, pointing out the imperfection of her appearance.
Impeccable appearance
Quite a lot of girls, precisely because of sick pride, go to plastic surgeons under the knife, correcting their body in order to feel more confident. After there are no places left in the girl that are imperfect in her opinion, she changes her gait to a confident one, her gaze becomes arrogant. She does not consider other representatives of the fairer sex worthy of male attention.
How to get rid of self-esteem
Before you think about how to get rid of pride, it’s worth thinking about who a proud person really is. Anyone who strives to make themselves better, more successful, smarter, more attractive without harming others does not need self-esteem correction. Healthy self-love is not a sin.
You can stop being offended by criticism or remarks by becoming complete for yourself. By truly loving yourself for who a person really is, you can become emotionally self-sufficient, which will allow you to not take other people’s opinions too seriously. You need to be able to be happy here and now, because every person has a lot, but often does not value his achievements and benefits, as if everything he has does not matter. You can't offend a happy person. Anyone can become happy, taking their time and appreciating the true value of the peaks they have conquered.
Is self-love good or bad?
Most psychologists say that self-love is a good feeling. Other experts in the field of psychology believe that it is wrong to exalt oneself, since one can become morally degraded over time. To some extent, they are right, because often highly developed pride gives people a feeling of superiority over others. Over time, this leads to hyperbolization of one’s own “I.”
Adequate self-esteem is always perceived positively in society. It is very good when a person has:
- sense of dignity;
- does not allow oneself to be offended;
- accepts comments addressed to him;
- achieves its goals.
The sages have always said that low self-esteem is much worse than great pride. It’s a different matter when it comes to a self-loving person. This is immediately noticeable and does not allow her to live normally in society. In this case, she is not able to soberly assess her strengths and capabilities. A proud person has personal interests that prevail over the interests of other people, since she perceives herself as superior to everyone else . This quality makes the narcissist unpleasant for other people and his character unbearable.
Against the background of sick pride, people often develop neurasthenia. Gradually this leads to other negative consequences. A person constantly feels that he is underestimated and, to console his feelings of narcissism, he may lose control over himself. This can serve as a signal for bad actions:
- gluttony;
- alcoholism;
- drug addiction and other antisocial behavior.
How to get rid of excess pride?
When one of us hears words of praise addressed to himself, he begins to grow in his own eyes. If a person is constantly underestimated, undeservedly scolded, criticized, he falls in the eyes of himself and the people around him. especially acute in women . In adulthood, this begins to manifest itself more strongly. All representatives of the fairer sex always react negatively to comments, for example, about their appearance. For this reason, you should not directly tell women about this, but it is better to hint or say it gently in private.
It’s good when a person strives somewhere, works on himself, he has his own goals that he wants to achieve if they are useful for him and society. Normal pride should not lead to self-destruction of the individual, to his degradation. In a good sense, this feeling should be a kind of catalyst for desires and actions.
If this feeling is adequate and helps you move through life, then you shouldn’t get rid of it. In this case, this trait is positive and cannot be considered a disadvantage . You can be proud of moderately developed self-esteem. It will help you move forward, not stop there, and continue self-development.
A proud person with a wounded and sick feeling requires the help of a qualified specialist in the field of psychology, with attendance at special trainings. Such people will not be able to notice their shortcomings on their own and take the word of others that they have inflated self-esteem. They create their own ideal image which they imbue with. This resembles pride and arrogance, which gradually leads to disrespect from others.
If self-love is combined with philanthropy and respect for others, then it can be called a positive character trait and a necessary quality. It will help you live, appreciate yourself, not allow yourself to be offended, and believe in your strength.
